Working with Loved Ones
Overview
Loved ones calls fall into three categories:
1. The Willing Client
The loved one is willing to go to treatment. Your job: get them on the phone and close them like any self-caller.
2. The Hesitant Client
The loved one is on the fence. Your job: talk to them directly and use your standard closing framework to build urgency.
3. The Refusing Client
The loved one refuses treatment entirely. Your job: coach the family on boundaries and leverage to force change.
Initial Assessment Questions
When a loved one calls, immediately determine which category you're in:
- Have they admitted there's a problem?
- Are they open at all to getting help?
- Are they with you right now?
- Have you talked to them about treatment?"
The answers to these questions determine your path forward.
Path 1: Willing Loved One
If the loved one is willing to go to treatment, this is the easiest scenario:
(If yes): "Perfect. Let me talk to them directly so I can answer their questions and get them scheduled."
(If no): "When can we get them on the phone? Can you call them right now? I'll stay on the line."
Path 2: Hesitant Loved One
If the loved one is hesitant but not refusing, you still need to talk to them directly:
(If they agree): Talk to the client using your standard Closer framework: build rapport, establish urgency, address objections, close.
(If they refuse): Move to Path 3 â Boundary-Setting Framework.
Path 3: Refusing Loved One
If the loved one refuses treatment, you shift from closing to coaching the family on leverage:
This opens the door to the Boundary-Setting Framework, which is covered in detail on the next pages.
Key Differences: Family Calls vs. Self-Calls
| Aspect | Self-Caller | Family Caller |
|---|---|---|
| Motivation | Client admits they need help | Family recognizes the problem |
| Urgency | Client feels consequences | Family feels consequences |
| Close Target | The client | Either client (if willing) or family (if refusing) |
| Primary Tool | Scorecard, urgency, hot buttons | Leverage, boundaries, interventions |
What NOT to Do
- Don't close the family member: They're not going to treatment â the client is
- Don't skip talking to the client: Even if the family is eager, you need the client's commitment
- Don't promise outcomes: "If you do this, they'll definitely go to treatment" â you can't guarantee that
- Don't enable the family's enabling: If they're paying for housing/phone/car while the client uses, you need to address it
- Don't give up if the client refuses: Teach the family how to create leverage
The Two Tools for Refusing Clients
Professional Interventions
When the family is willing to invest in a structured, professional process to get the client into treatment. Cost: $3,500-$8,500. Success rate: ~70%.
Boundary-Setting Framework
When the family needs to use leverage (housing, money, phone, car) to force the client to choose between treatment and consequences.
The Empathy Balance
Working with families requires a different tone than working with clients. Families are often:
- Exhausted: They've been dealing with this for months or years
- Scared: They're afraid of losing their loved one
- Guilty: They feel responsible for the addiction
- Enabling: They've been helping in ways that hurt
Your job is to meet them with empathy while being direct about what needs to happen. You're the guide who helps them do the hard thing â set boundaries â so their loved one has a chance at recovery.